Nostalgia
Me in 2003
The first time I was professionally photographed as an adult was 2003. I worked as a server at J’Alexander’s. We had a regular named, Michael that owned the salon and spa , Michael’s . He was a small guy, flamboyant, glam and absolutely a staple at the bar. He asked me if I’d be interested in being a hair model for some marketing, surprised, I said “hell yes!”My hair was pretty long with natural red waves. He asked me if I’d let him cut it off, and I thought why not, I always wore it in a ponytail anyway. So he chopped it off and blew it out, after I also had professional makeup done. I felt like a badass. It was so much fun!
I look at these photos from 23 years ago and even though I look like stunning, I remember how insecure I was, how I was always focused on people pleasing. How I only held value if someone else gave it to me. I loved to be validated and liked. When I was alone I felt like I had no foundation. Lost, no direction. Not to mention my mental health was well, a little wild.
When I received my photos, I could only see my flaws. And guess what ? I’m the same today except it’s the lines on my face instead of acne. But look at me. I’ve been a rockstar all this time. I see her in there.
So when will I own my rockstar self? When will I stop being insecure and playing small? When will I be enough for me?
Therapy and coaching has been immensely helpful. I am definitely growing and becoming more confident but I have so far to go in taking care of myself. I guess that’s the point of aging. To get better at this thing called life. To learn to truly take care of ourselves, our mental, physical and spiritual self. Because only then can we rise up and claim our dreams. Only then can we truly be there for others. Only then will we be able to look back in joy.
Let me tell ya, there is no way in being an entrepreneur that you will not face yourself every second of everyday. There’s no way you can overlook yourself and your habits. There they are looking back at you with the question, “Is this what you really want? Are you going to replay yesterday, again??”
What about you? Are you taking care of you? Or only the people around you? Are you living your life in gratitude? Or are you focused on lack?
“It’s a choice”, she said. They’ve all said it. And I know it. So, I’m wondering, will I listen and make change? Or will I wait another day, another year, another decade?
Only time will tell; I guess I could make the choice.
When was the last time you were professionally photographed? How do you see yourself when you look back? #nostalgia #selfloveisthebestlove #portraitphotographer #healing #therapy #enoughisenoughalready
*side note
I remember the photographer was having difficulty with one of his lights(been there). It’s not fun. I patiently waited, no problem. I could tell he was nervous. You can see the difference in lighting. I definitely prefer the expression in the image that the main light didn’t fire, but I think he did a great job.